[The following ending to Godzilla and Genius Mike was written by the three witty students who make up Duncan class J195: Terry, Tony and Miranda. The first half of the tale is at:
Mike soon found the registration office and went in. Inside he saw many plastic Godzilla toys in a display case along the wall. They were for sale.
He came up to the counter and got the registration forms. After he had filled them out, a woman told him to go through the door at the end of the room.
"The contest is in there," she said.
"What contest?" Mike asked.
"Just go," she said. "They will tell you."
Mike entered a large room. There was a boxing ring in the middle and a lot of policemen standing by the walls. A man by the door turned to Mike: "Choose one of us to fight," he said.
"Huh?" Mike said. "Fight?"
"Yes. If you win, you can be a full citizen. If you lose, you will be a slave."
"But I'm not good at fighting," Mike said. "I'm a genius."
"If you don't want to fight," the man said, "that's okay. But then we'll have to execute you."
"It's the law."
Mike looked round the room at all the policemen. They all looked very strong. Finally he turned back to the man next to him.
"I choose you," Mike said.
The fight began immediately. Mike was so scared he was shaking. The policeman sneezed on Mike as they entered the boxing ring, and Mike fell down. The policeman said to him: "You will lose. Prepare to be a slave, loser!"
The fight started and Mike tried to hit the policeman, but fell down again. The policeman caught him and threw him from the ring.
Then Mike tried hiding under the ring, and the policeman came out and walked around the ring looking for him. Finally he found Mike when he stepped on his hand.
"Okay, I lose," Mike pleaded. "Please don't hit me."
From the boxing arena the policemen took Mike to another room where they put a tattoo of Godzilla on the middle of his forehead. Next they took him to his small, dark, dirty, stinky dorm room. He saw two beds and two pillows made of cold stone.
"Where is my quilt?" Mike asked.
"A quilt?" the policeman asked. "You're a slave! Have you ever heard of a slave having a quilt, you lunatic?"
At that moment a beautiful but very dirty girl entered the room. This was Mike's roommate.
After the police were gone, Mike introduced himself to her.
"What's your name?" he asked. "Why are you here?"
"My name is Kathleen," she answered. "I'm an English teacher. I taught in a Godzillaville kindergarten. What about you?"
Mike told Kathleen that he was a genius and that he had tried to help Godzilla, but failed. Kathleen thought Mike wasn't a genius, but some kind of idiot.
"Tomorrow we'll be put on sale," she said. "If you are really a genius, you should help us escape from this horrible place."
"Why are they going to sell you as a slave?" Mike asked.
"Because I taught my students dirty words," Kathleen said.
"Really? Dirty words?"
"Yes. And I told them to practice the dirty words with their parents. I gave them a dirty-word list with 4,065 dirty English words."
"My God!" Mike said. "Can you teach me?"
"Alright," Kathleen said. "Lesson 1. . . ."
[Lesson not in the story; two hours later. . . ]
"Wow! Those are some very good bad words!" Mike said. "Can we have Lesson 2 tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow we will be sold."
"Oh, yeah. I forgot."
"We need to escape somehow," Kathleen said.
"Don't worry," Mike said. "I'm a genius. If you tell me something about Godzillaville, probably I can think of some idea for our escape."
"What should I tell you?" Kathleen asked.
"Well, for example, what kind of people live here?"
"In Godzillaville we have four classes of people: police, lords, workers and slaves."
"Who is the leader?"
"The leader is called the Great King," Kathleen said. "But he is actually chosen by a vote. Everyone can vote except the slaves."
"So where do the slaves work?" Mike asked.
"If some rich person buys us tomorrow, we will go to work for them. But if no one buys us we have to work for the government. Slaves who work for the government have three different kinds of jobs. The best job to get is as a carrier."
"If the Great King wants to go out, he needs slaves to carry him in his litter."
"The second best job is at the intestinal wall. At the intestinal wall the slaves take all the garbage from Godzillaville and throw it into the intestinal pool. That's on the other side of the city from where you came in."
"What's the worst job?" Mike asked.
"The worst and most dangerous job is as a rescuer," Kathleen said. "A rescuer must rescue food, people and other useful things from the rubbish heap. The rubbish heap is that place you must have landed when you came in. Did someone rescue you when you landed?"
"No," Mike said. "I came down myself. There was a huge fire at the time I came in."
"There usually is," Kathleen said. "That's why it's such a dangerous job. You have to work on that burning mountain of rubbish and pull out people and food. Sometimes a bus or an apartment building will come down the esophagus and land on people working there. It's the worst job."
"I hope some rich person buys us," Mike said.
"I do too," Kathleen said. "So now that I've told you about the different classes in the city, what's your great idea for escape?"
"Let me think about it tonight. Maybe I'll come up with something."
The next morning Mike and Kathleen were woken by a policeman who threw a bucket of cold water over them.
"Hey!" Mike said.
"Get up, slaves!" the policeman said. "Time to go to the auction."
Mike and Kathleen were made to put on white-and-black striped prison clothes and they were put in handcuffs. Then three policemen with guns led them to the auction.
The auction was outside on a city square. Mike saw many fat men sitting in rows of chairs.
"Those are the lords," Kathleen said. "They will bid for us."
Soon Mike and Kathleen were standing in front of the bidders. One fat man stood up.
"Hey! I know her!" he said.
The other fat men looked at him.
"I know her," he repeated loudly. "She taught my children many bad words. That girl has a dirty mouth!"
Then: "I remember her," said another lord, laughing. "She knows many dirty words, it's true. But some of them are pretty good dirty words." And the man laughed again.
"It's not me," Kathleen said. "It's a different woman you're thinking of. I never say dirty words."
"Oh yes, it's you!" said the first lord who stood up. "I recognize you!"
"It's not me, you #*$@#&+%#@%$+&!" Kathleen said to the man.
All the lords laughed loudly.
"Wow!" one of them said. "I never heard dirtier words than this. She's the Queen of Dirty Words. I don't want her in my house. She'll corrupt my children."
"These words aren't so bad," said Mike. "The ones she taught me last night are even dirtier."
"Slaves! No talking at the auction!" said a policeman, hitting the ground with his stick.
"The boy looks too weak to me," said the fattest lord then. "He's just a scrawny kid. Who wants to buy such slaves?"
"We don't want these two," another lord said loudly. "The government can keep them."
The three policemen who'd brought Mike and Kathleen came forward and dragged them off the stage. They were led back to the jail.
"Tomorrow the government will give you your jobs," one of the policemen said. Mike and Kathleen were very sad.
The next day Mike and Kathleen woke up when they heard some policemen laughing. Soon one old policeman came to the door of their cell.
"You two slaves with the dirty mouths," he said. "The judge gave you the worst jobs. It was decided this morning."
"+%#@%$+&!" Mike said.
"It's your fate," the policeman said. "You deserve it."
"You can just &+%#@% yourself," Mike said. "Do you know? Just %#@%@*%&@%$+&+%#!"
"Good words, Mike!" Kathleen said. "You really are a good student! I'll give you Lesson 2 tonight."
Mike and Kathleen were taken to their new dormitory, a building close to the rubbish heap. Their room was large, but dirty. There was a small dirty man on one of the three beds.
"Hello. My name is Genius Mike," Mike said as they were pushed into the room. "And this is Kathleen."
The man stood up and looked at them. Then he seemed to get very excited. He came up toward Kathleen.
"I can't believe it," he said.
"What?" said Kathleen.
"Are you the famous teacher, Kathleen Chen?"
"Yes, I'm an English teacher from. . ."
"I read your book Art of Dirty Words," the man said. "You are my hero! I've even memorized the longest chapter."
The man gestured for them to sit down on one of the beds.
"Here," he said then. "Listen: 'If you don't like it you can just @%@*%$+&+ %#@%@*%$+&+% #@%@*%$+&+%# %@*%%@*% . . ." [The man finished 17 minutes later. ]
"Yes," Kathleen said. "That's chapter 3 of my first book. You recited it very well."
"You didn't tell me you were famous," Mike said.
"Great writers should be humble," Kathleen said.
"I'm so lucky to be your roommate!" the man said. "All the slaves here are your fans."
"Thank you," Kathleen said. "Thank you. I'm very happy to meet you."
Kathleen and the man shook hands.
"My name's Toshi," the man said.
The next day Mike and Kathleen started their terrible new job. Godzilla began to eat early in the morning, so many things were falling down from the esophagus. Mike and Kathleen were taken over the little wall and a line of policemen with guns yelled at the slaves to run to the rubbish heap. It was very scary. There were buildings, cars, people, trees and other things falling everywhere. And there was a lot of fire and smoke, so that it was hard to see or breath.
On his first run Toshi rescued a box of mineral water from a grocery store that crashed down. Mike wasn't too good at the job yet. On the first run he only rescued a fruit salad. Kathleen saved an old woman, but the woman couldn't move very quickly.
"What the $%@&%@#!" Kathleen yelled. "Hurry up or we're both dead!"
The woman hit Kathleen with her big brown purse, which she still held tightly in her hand.
The policeman in charge said to Kathleen and Mike: "You are both fools! We don't need fruit salads and old women. Next time if you can't do better, we'll shoot you!"
On the second run Kathleen was trying to rescue some pizzas from a burning Dominoes motorbike, and her hair started on fire.
"@%@*%$+&+ %#@%@*%$+&+%!" she started yelling, swatting at her burning hair.
Mike was nearby, and he grabbed a notebook from the rubbish. He began to write down what Kathleen was saying as she yelled.
"Mike, you %#@%@*%!" Kathleen screamed at him. "Stop writing and help me with my hair!"
Kathleen and Mike finally put out the fire and got away with the burned, black pizzas. Mike also rescued a bundle of Polo socks.
"Better than last time," the policeman said, "but still not good enough."
"The police captain blew the whistle to start the third run. Mike was trying to pull a big box of hot dog buns from under a burning sofa when he heard Toshi yell, "Teacher! Watch out!"
Mike turned his head to look and saw Toshi run and push Kathleen. Suddenly after pushing Kathleen out of the way a 7-Eleven crashed down from above on Toshi.
"&#$%@!" Toshi said just before he died.
"Noooo! Not you!" Kathleen yelled. "Noooo! . . ."
Mike and Kathleen stood looking at the destroyed 7-Eleven under which Toshi was buried.
"He saved my life!" Kathleen said. "He died for me. Oh, Toshi!"
Kathleen looked at Mike.
"And you wouldn't even help me with my hair!" she said. "Bad student!"
"Sorry, teacher," Mike said.
Together they rescued 217 copies of TV-BS magazine and one cell phone.
Bruised, burned and exhausted, Mike and Kathleen were finally led back to the slave dorm. They lay down on their beds and stared at the ceiling.
"If we continue with this job," Kathleen said to Mike, "we will be dead in a week. We must escape. I think that's obvious. Do you have any ideas, genius?"
"In fact I do," Mike said.
"Well, why don't you tell me them? Maybe they could work."
"If we could make Godzilla feel nauseous," Mike said, "then maybe he would throw up. And if we made him throw up, the whole city would probably come out of his stomach."
"It's true," Kathleen said. "But how are you going to make him nauseous? His stomach is really too big. How could we make him feel sick without poisoning everyone in the city?"
"I have an idea," Mike said. "But we will need to talk about it to the King."
The next day before work Mike told some of the other slaves: "We must escape from this job. If we don't, we will all die sooner or later. It is worth it to try to escape. I have an idea that might save us all. At 11:00 today tell all the rescuers to start a revolt. Once the revolt starts to happen, I can start my plan. Pass the word around."
The slaves trusted him. At 11:00 there was a big revolt against the police. The slaves refused to work and they were all yelling:
"@%@*%$+&+ %#@%@*%$ +&+% #@%@*% $+&+%# %@*%%@*%@% @*%$+&+ %#@%@* %$+&+% #@% @*%$+&+%# %@*% %@*% @%@*%$+&+ %#@%@*%$ +&+% #@%@*%$+&+%# %@*%%@*%!"
The police didn't know what to do. A slaves revolt had never happened before. Finally two slaves were shot and Mike and Kathleen broke free. They snuck into the empty police barracks and stole two uniforms.
Wearing the uniforms Mike and Kathleen went quickly to the palace. They came to the front gate. The guard stopped them.
"Hey! Show your passes!" he said.
"We must meet the Great King," Kathleen said. "It's an emergency!"
"What emergency?" asked the guard.
"There has been a slave revolt at the rubbish heap!" Mike said. "Let us past!"
"Why didn't your captain come?" the guard asked. "If this were so important, the captain would come himself."
"The captain has been captured by the slaves," Mike said. "They've taken over our radio too."
Kathleen was getting angry.
"Open the gate for us, you @%@*%$+&+ %#@%@*%$!" she yelled. "We need to talk to the King now!"
The guard hesitated.
"It's a national emergency," Mike said. "Please. They are killing our comrades."
Finally the guard clicked the lock and Mike and Kathleen went through. Another guard searched them and then two guards led them to the room where the King was.
When they entered they saw a very strange scene. In the middle of the room was a tall slide, like the kind that children play on in parks but much larger. Many servants were pushing the King to the top of the slide. The King was so fat he was like a huge ball. When the servants got him to the top, the King would roll down laughing. After he got to the bottom he said: "Again! Again! Do it again!" Then the servants started to push the King back up.
"Your Majesty," the guard said. "There are two policemen here to see you. They say there is an emergency."
"Just a minute!" the King said. "Can't you see I'm playing?" Then the King turned to the servants who were pushing him: "One more time!" he said.
After the King rolled down again, three servants helped him stand up.
"Alright," he said. "What is this emergency?"
"Your Majesty," Mike said, stepping forward and bowing, "I am going to be completely honest with you. We are not policemen. In fact we are slaves."
"Really!" the King said. "So why are you wearing police uniforms?"
"We needed the uniforms to get in to see you," Mike said. "We wanted to tell you our plan to help Godzillaville. We want to escape."
"Are you joking?" said the King. "Of course you want to escape! All slaves want to escape."
"Your Majesty," Kathleen said. "My friend didn't really say it correctly. It's not only we two who want to escape. We think we have a plan that all of Godzillaville can escape."
"We have an idea to make Godzilla nauseous," Mike said, "and then he will throw up and all the buildings will come out of his stomach and we will all be free."
"The plan sounds foolish," said the King. "Godzilla's stomach is so huge, how could anyone make him nauseous?"
"I know it sounds impossible, your Majesty," Mike said. "But I do have a plan. What is the population of your city?"
"Well, there are around 1,100,000 people in my city now. And they all love me. I am like a father to them. Even the slaves love me."
"Our plan is this," Mike said. "First, we have to get all the people in Godzillaville to jump up at the same time."
"Hmm. And then what?" said the King.
"And then do it again," Mike said.
"And then?" asked the King.
"And then jump up again."
"Hmm. And then what?" said the King.
"And then jump once more."
"After that?" asked the King.
"And then jump again."
"And then?" asked the King.
"%$#@@#*%@!" Kathleen yelled suddenly. "This is ridiculous!"
The King looked at Kathleen, his mouth and eyes wide open in shock. Mike and Kathleen could see that his lip was quivering.
"I'm. . . . I'm going to tell my mother you said that!" the King finally yelled.
No one said anything for a long time. The King was so shocked by Kathleen's dirty words there were even tears starting to form in his eyes.
"Take these two out of here!" he ordered. "Put them in the jail. They are too good to be slaves. They want to make the great Godzilla's belly feel nauseous. They want to cause an earthquake in our beautiful city. And. . . And they say such bad words they make your honest and great King cry! I want them only to be prisoners! Forever!"
Kathleen and Mike were taken to the same prison they first met in. For a while they both were angry at each other. Kathleen blamed Mike for his stupid plan of making Godzilla nauseous. Mike blamed Kathleen for saying such dirty words in front of the King. But they both knew they were lucky to be prisoners instead of rescuers. At least they wouldn't die by having a 7-11 or a taxi land on them.
After a while Mike knew almost as many dirty words as Kathleen. Together they wrote a new edition of the book The Art of Dirty Words. They had to write it on toilet paper because the guards didn't give them paper to use. One guard who liked to study dirty words smuggled the book out of the prison and had it published secretly in the city.
Genius Mike and Kathleen are still in the Godzillaville prison today.
Finished April, 2003,
This page is at http://www.necessaryprose.com/