The Soundbites that Got Us There:
An Iraq War Catechism
February 24, 2006
By Eric Mader (In memory of Flann O'Brien)
Q: What kind of a loving people are we?
A: A peace-loving people.
Q: And who are you either with or against?
Q: And what is it that we did not start?
A: This war.
Q: And besides a time, this war will be ended in a what of our choosing?
A: A place.
Q: And what is it of September 11th that we must never forget?
A: The lessons.
Q: And to defend our country what sort of slip is it we will never ask for?
A: A permission slip.
Q: And what kind of structure or organization of evil are they clearly a part of?
A: An axis.
Q: And while the terrorists continue to develop chemical weapons, how is it that we are not going to sit by?
Q: And after all, this was a man who did what to his own what?
A: Gassed his own people.
Q: And besides his own people, who else did he try to kill?
A: My Dad.
Q: And in addition to shock, what other word describes the force we will employ?
Q: And after we have routed them, what kind of arms will they surely greet us with?
A: Open ones.
Q: And with what else will they welcome us?
Q: And what kind of walk will that be?
A: A cake walk.
Q: And after our troops have entered Baghdad, what kind of mission will it be?
A: Mission accomplished.
Q: And what kind of intelligence did Democrats and critics have in relation to that seen by the administration?
A: The same intelligence.
Q: And behind this insurgency we can identify residual what of Saddam's regime?
A: Residual elements.
Q: And what kind of enders are these?
Q: And besides these elements the insurgency's core is made up of what other elements?
A: Foreign ones.
Q: And what kind of message is it that we wouldn't want to send our troops?
A: The wrong one.
Q: So what must we do with the course?
A: Stay it.
Q: And we began this war in order to make Iraq into what kind of nation?
A: A free and democratic one.
Q: And we will not quit until we have achieved our what?
A: Our goals.
Q: And in addition to the hearts of the Iraqi people what else are we eventually going to win?
A: The minds.
Q: And when a wedding party gets bombed or children get crushed under falling rubble what kind of accident is that?
A: A regrettable one.
Q: And those deaths are caused by what kind of damage?
A: Collateral damage.
Q: And what sort of apples were responsible for the abuse of detainees in Abu Ghraib?
A: A few bad ones.
Q: And what continues to improve on the ground?
Q: And in how long a period was Rome not built?
A: A day.
Q: And though you can run, what is it you can't do?
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