[This gruesome story was (somewhat) written by the An-Ho Animal Park Class, a Thursday night class from which I learned the importance of carrying aspirin in my bookbag. --E.M.-L.]
Hans and Gunther Broch were born on the same day. They are twins. They are also vampires.
They left Europe to come to Taiwan. They wanted to drink some Taiwanese blood.
The brothers had many tricks to bring victims to their castle in Yangmingshan. The best was when the victims were young and foolish. Then it was easy.
They decided to have a fashion show in the castle. They invited some Taipei students and one stupid English teacher named Eric to come to their fashion show. They used the fashion show to lure these fools into their trap.
There were many things to prepare. In the morning the vampire twins worked outside. Hans cleaned the cemetery. Gunther took the black cats, bats and snakes and brushed their teeth. Then Hans taught the owls to sing some garbage truck songs. He loved the garbage truck music in Taiwan.
In the afternoon the twins worked inside the castle. Hans cleaned the black leather sofas and dusted the coffins and other furniture. Gunther set up the stage for the fashion show. He also showed the models the clothes for the show and told them what to do. Hans and Gunther hired the models from a modeling agency in Taipei. They were very tall and beautiful, and the clothes were all very cool.
Hans filled a big silver bowl with tomato juice and brought out some spider cookies from the refrigerator. Everything was ready for the show.
The foolish guests arrived at the castle at 8:00 p.m. There was Joe, Johnny, Kevin, Rita, Jessica, Sonia, Amy, James, Sharon, Ellen, and Emily. And there was their stupid teacher Eric.
As the guests walked through the cemetery, Joe saw a flying head.
"Did you see that?" Joe said. "I saw a flying head! Did you see it!"
"Did you forget to take your medicine today?" Johnny asked. Some of the other students laughed and chanted:
Joe was a small and crazy boy
With hair as black as ink;
His pills he took three times a day
And swam in the bathroom sink.
"But it's true!" Joe said. "There was a flying head!"
"Listen to those birds," Sonia said. "They sound like the garbage trucks."
"This place is weird," Rita said. "Let's get to the door quickly."
Hans greeted the guests at the door to the castle and led them into the main hall. Some of the guests took food from the table, while others sat down on the black sofas around the catwalk.
Then Hans and Gunther came out onto the stage together.
"Welcome to the Spring Fashion Show for 2002," Gunther said into the microphone. "We hope you enjoy yourselves. But before the show begins we have a little surprise for you."
"That's right, Gunther," Hans said. "We want to make our guests feel at home."
"So we welcome your favorite singer onto the state-Jim."
"Oh, no!" Jessica said. "Jim? Jim from our class?"
Yes, it was. Jim came out onto the stage and sang his song, the only song he knows:
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
You'd be like heaven to touch.
I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived.
And I thank God I'm alive.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
I love you baby,
And if it's quite all right,
I need you baby
To warm a lonely night.
I love you baby.
Trust in me when I say:
Oh pretty baby,
Don't bring me down, I pray.
Oh pretty baby,
Now that I found you. Stay.
Pardon the way that I stare.
There's nothing else to compare. . . .
"I think I will cry," Rita said. "I'm sooo sick of this song."
"Yeah!" Joe cheered, standing up from his seat. "Yeah, Jim! Ee bai wan! "
"Take your medicine," Amy said.
"I can sing this song better," Eric said.
Finally Jim's song was finished, and the fashion show began.
There were four models in the show: Maggie, Karen, Tina, and Cindy. The music began and the first model, Maggie, stepped out onto the stage.
She was wearing a low-cut black top, a grey miniskirt and a grey jacket. She strutted down the catwalk past the guests, then turned around.
"She was looking at me," Johnny said. "Did you see?"
"Shut up," Sharon said.
Then Karen came out. She was wearing a tight purple tube top and silver shorts.
"That's pretty cool," Emily said.
"I want to buy one," Amy said. "I wonder if the tube top is very expensive."
"I want to buy one too," Johnny said.
"Bian tai," Kevin said.
Karen turned around at the end of the catwalk and strutted back to the curtain.
"These clothes are really cool," Sharon said.
Then Tina came out on stage. She wore a low-cut sleeveless pink top, a white jacket and a tight white skirt. She strutted to the end of the catwalk.
"Never stop my love!" Joe cried out.
"What is your cell phone number?" Johnny yelled.
"Shut up!" Ellen said. "You are ruining the show."
"These cookies are delicious," Eric said. "What is in them?"
"I have a skirt like that at home," Johnny said. "I wear it on Sundays."
"Huh?" Emily asked. "You really wear a skirt?"
"Yes, I do," Johnny said. "I think it's cool. But my mom never lets me wear it to school."
"Bian tai," Kevin said.
"Bian tai," James said.
Cindy was the next model to come out. She wore beige slacks, a white jacket and a violet transparent tube top.
"Nobody could wear that on the street," Jessica said. "It's too spicy."
"Did you see?" Johnny said. "She was looking at me too. I think they all love me."
"She was laughing at you," Sharon said.
"She wasn't," Johnny said. "She was smiling. She loves me."
The models came out again with different clothes on, and then a third time. And then they all came out at the end with the designer, an ugly little man with white hair who looked like a bat.
Everyone clapped as the models and designer walked down the catwalk. Then they went back behind the stage and Hans and Gunther came out again.
"Well," Gunther said, "that was an excellent collection for spring, don't you think, Hans?"
"Yes, it was. I'm glad we invited this designer. And the models were so beautiful, don't you think?"
"Ee bai wan!" Joe yelled.
"If anyone in the audience would like to talk with the designer or the models," Gunther said, "you can meet them back stage."
"Cool," Emily said.
"That's right," Hans said. "We have a special party arranged. You're all invited. Just go back behind the stage curtain, follow the hall a bit, and you'll see a door on the left. Enter the door and the hallway will lead to our special party room."
"Let's talk to the models," all the boys said.
"Let's go look at some of the clothes," the girls said.
Everyone got up from the sofas and went behind the stage. After following the hallway a bit, they came to a door on the left. They went in. There was another hallway with different doors.
"Which door leads to the party room?" Eric asked.
"Let's try this one," Kevin said. "Come in here."
"No," Sonia said. "They said to turn left. It's this way."
Some of the people followed Sonia, and some followed Kevin. But every door just led to more hallways. And every hallway led to more hallways! Soon the foolish guests were separated into five different groups, and they were all lost in the vampires' maze.
"Heh heh heh," Gunther said to Hans, watching the guests through hidden observation cameras. "They really are perfect victims. They are total fools!"
"Soon we can go bite them," Hans said. "I think it will be easy."
"I can't wait," Gunther said. "I'm very thirsty. I haven't had any blood for three days."
The vampires waited another fifteen minutes. Soon all the guests were separated from each other. They called out each other's names, each person lost in a separate part of the maze.
"Let's go," Hans said.
In different parts of the labyrinth there were trap doors that opened down from the ceiling. Using the trap doors, the twins could easily jump down into any part of the labyrinth.
"Let me try one first," Gunther said. "I will bite that boy Kevin."
Kevin was yelling out, "Hello! Where is everyone? Hey, can you hear me?"
The labyrinth seemed darker and darker and he was scared. Suddenly Gunther appeared. He stood behind him.
Gunther tried to catch onto Kevin's neck, but Kevin pulled away.
"Hey! Don't touch me!" Kevin yelled.
Keving kicked Gunther's leg and ran. He kept running, looking for an exit. But he couldn't find any. He was very nervous. He had no good idea what to do. He could hear Gunther just behind him.
Then he saw a door. He hurried to it. But it was too late! Gunther bit into his neck and sucked his blood. Kevin fell on the floor. [by Sonia]
Soon after Gunther bit Kevin, Hans found Sharon in the labyrinth.
"What are you doing here?" Sharon said.
"I'm going to the party too," Hans said.
"It's great," Sharon said. "We can go together."
They walked side by side, looking for the right door. But after thirty minutes they still couldn't find it.
Hans said: "Let's take a rest for five minutes."
Sharon said: "OK."
Then Hans sat down beside Sharon. He started to touch Sharon's earring.
"Your earring is really beautiful," Hans said.
"Thank you," Sharon said, smiling.
"Goodbye, Sharon," Hans said.
He grabbed behind Sharon's head and leaned toward her. He bit into her neck and sucked her blood.
"Oh!" Sharon screeched. "That feels good!"
"Yes, I'm a super vampire!" Hans bawled out.
Sharon fell onto the floor, unconscious. [by Johnny]
Gunther came to Joe in the labyrinth.
Joe said: "Hi, Gunther."
Gunther said: "Hi, Joe."
"I'm afraid," Joe said. "Can you tell me where the exit is?"
Gunther said: "Yes, I can. Oh! Your earrings are very beautiful."
Joe said: "Wait a minute. I want to take my medicine."
Gunther said: "Can I see your earrings?"
Joe said: "OK."
Gunther said: "Oh, they're gold!"
Joe said: "Yes. But can you tell me where the exit is?"
Then Gunther bit into Joe's neck and sucked his blood.
Joe said: "Hey, what are you doing! I'm not gay!" [by Jessica]
Hans came to Sonia in the labyrinth.
"Why are you here?" Sonia said.
"Because I'm very hungry," Hans said, "and I need your help."
"But I don't have any food," Sonia said.
"Yes, you do," Hans said. "You have very fresh blood in your body."
"What!" Sonia yelled. "You are crazy!"
"You are a nice girl," Hans said, "so you will help me."
Sonia saw his sharp teeth. "No! No! Please don't bite me!" she screamed.
"That's impossible," Hans said. "I'm a vampire."
Hans bit into Sonia and drank her blood, then let her fall onto the floor. [by Joe]
Gunther came to Jessica.
"Hi, Jessica," he said.
"Huh? How do you know my name?" Jessica asked. "Nobody introduced us. And. . . and you look so strange!"
"Nothing's wrong, Jessica. Don't worry. Wow, your necklace is beautiful!"
Gunther came closer to her.
"This is a trick!" Jessica said. "I don't buy it. Get away!"
Jessica ran from him, but she was in a labyrinth and couldn't find an exit. He was behind her, catching up to her. She screamed for help, but nobody heard her. Then suddenly she crashed into him! How did he get in front of her!
"Ha ha ha!" Gunther said.
He pushed her up against the wall and bit into her neck. She screamed one more time, but it was already too late. [by Emily]
After biting Sonia, Hans bit Johnny. While Hans was with Johnny, Gunther was biting Rita. Then Gunther bit Jim and Hans bit Amy. Amy started to complain, but Hans said: "This is not English class, Amy. Game over."
Then Gunther and Sharon bit James. Sharon was already a vampire, and she was thirsty.
"I want to bite him first," Sharon said. "Let me!"
"Alright," Gunther said. "But I get to drink some too."
"What are you talking about?" James said. "Where is everybody else? Where is the party?"
Hans and Joe bit Ellen and Emily.
"Ee bai wan!" Joe said. "I like being a vampire. This is great."
"Help!" Emily yelled. "Help!"
And then there was their stupid teacher Eric. When all the students had become vampires Hans and Gunther took them to the room with the observation cameras.
"There's your teacher," Gunther said. "Who wants to bite him?"
"Let's all bite him!" Rita said.
"Yeah, let's go bite him right now," Jim said.
"I'm full," Hans said. "I can't drink any more blood."
"Let's go," Johnny said.
And all the vampires except Hans went to the place in the labyrinth where Eric was. And they bit him, so he became a vampire too.
All the vampires lived in the castle with Hans and Gunther after that, and every week they thought of new ways to attract foolish victims. They are still there now, so be careful when you go up into the mountains. If you see a castle in Yangmingshan, or if you see a flying head or hear singing owls, better get away as soon as possible. You don't want to become a vampire yourself.
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