Palin Meets Kissinger

 

A Disassociated Press Feature, New York, September 23, 2008

 

Today Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin met with Henry Kissinger, Hamid Karzai and Alvaro Uribe.  The McCain campaign didn't want the press posing any questions during these first Palin steps into the world of diplomacy.  Evidently they were afraid of their star candidate's possible gaffes. 

 

Follows my imaginary reconstruction of how the Kissinger meeting might have gone.  --E.M.  

 

 

 

Alaska Governor Sarah Palin meeting with Henry Kissinger at his office in New York.

 

 

Palin and Kissinger step toward each other, shake hands.

 

S.P.: Mr. Kissinger, hello. 

 

H.K.: Good afternoon.

 

S.P.: It is such an honor to meet such a wise Jew like yourself.

 

H.K.: Excuse me. [gently withdraws hand; aside to aide]  Who is this?  Is this the candidate?

 

Aide: [in a hush] Yes, Mr. Kissinger.  It's Governor Sarah Palin, from Alaska. 

 

H.K.: Aie. . .  [turns back to Palin; renews handshake] It is my pleasure to meet you, Miss Palin.

 

S.P.: Actually I'm Mrs. Palin, Mr. Kissinger.  I'm married.  My husband Todd has won the Iron Dog four times.

 

H.K.: I'm sorry--Mrs. Palin.  And your husband Todd . . . ?

 

S.P.: He's won the Iron Dog four times.

 

H.K.:  I see, I see.  So how did he get that dog?  Did he vin it in a contest?

 

S.P.: No, the Iron Dog, Mr. Kissinger.  It's a snomobile race. 

 

H.K.: A snomobile race.

 

S.P.:  And my daughter Bristol is pregnant.  She's only 17, but she's getting married to her boyfriend because we don't believe in abortion. 

 

H.K.: Your . . .  Vas this during the snomobile race?

 

S.P.: No.  They were in the SUV. 

 

H.K.: I see.  Well.  Shall we be seated?

 

[they sit]

 

H.K.: So.  Vat will you name the child?  If it is a son.

 

S.P.: Well, our oldest son is named Track, and we have four girls: Bristol, Willow, Piper, and Trig.  But the baby will be Bristol's.  So she'll have to pick the name.

 

H.K.: I'm sorry.  Could you repeat the names please--of the children.

 

S.P.: Bristol, Willow, Track, Piper, and Trig.

 

H.K.: Track, Piper, and Trig?  Vat kind of names are these?  Are you perhaps Croats?

 

S.P.: Are we . . .?

 

H.K.: Are you from Croatia?

 

S.P.: Oh, no, Mr. Kissinger.  We're from Alaska.  Where is Croatia?

 

H.K.: In the former Yugoslavia.  In the Balkans.  I just thought from the names . . . .

 

S.P.: The Balkans.

 

H.K.: Yes.  Well.  But that is not so important, Mrs. Palin.  Vat is important is that it is a pleasure to meet you today.  I vish you success in this election.

 

S.P.:  Thank you, Mr. Kissinger.  I look forward to getting your advice when Sen. McCain and I are in the White House. 

 

H.K.: And I look forward to giving advice, if I may be of service.

 

S.P.: I mean, it's all so much to learn so quickly--the Balkans, the Baltics.  All of it. 

 

H.K.: Vell, you are still a young voman.  You vill learn quickly I think.

 

S.P.: The people in Baltimore, do you think they're from the Balkans or the Baltics? [laughs]

 

H.K.: I don't know, Mrs. Palin.

 

[pause]

 

S.P.: You really know so much about the world, Mr. Kissinger.  I wish I had your knowledge.

 

H.K.: Vell. . . .  I have been doing this for so long now.  It's been decades now.

 

S.P.: I do wonder about one thing though.

 

H.K.: Yes?

 

S.P.: Why is it that still, after all these years, I mean . . . why is it you still don't recognize Jesus Christ as your savior? 

 

H.K. I . . .

 

S.P.: He's your savior too, you know.

 

H.K.: Vell. . . .  You know, Mrs. Palin, things have changed since I have been in Washington.  You know in the past I never vould hear this kind of question from, vell, from a candidate for high office. 

 

S.P.: You've been in Washington a long time, Mr. Kissinger, that's definitely true. 

 

H.K.: Yes, and I've never yet . . .

 

S.P.: But you haven't been here that long, Mr. Kissinger.  I mean, Jesus has been our savior for two-thousand years.   That's quite a long time, isn't it?  So why . . .  I mean: You know I support Israel.  I really do.  I support Israel wholeheartedly.  It's in the Bible you know.  We have to support Israel.

 

H.K.: It has been a pleasure meeting you, Miss Palin.

 

S.P.: But you know, it would be much easier to support your country if there weren't such . . . I mean, such stubbornness.

 

H.K.: [smiling; he begins to stand]  I really have enjoyed our little chat.  I know you are still scheduled to meet President Karzai, so I vill not detain you longer.

 

S.P.: Yes, the president of Pakistan.  Oh, it's such an exciting day for me you know.  So many people to meet!  Well. . .

 

H.K.: Good day, Miss Palin.

 

S.P.: Mrs. Palin, Mr. Kissinger.  I'm a Mrs.  Remember?  My husband Todd won the Iron Dog.

 

H.K.: Ah, yes, the Iron Dog.  Racing on the snow.  Good day.

 

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