UN General Assembly Cleared on Terrorism Fears

 

A Disassociated Press Report, New York, September 21, 2006

 

By Eric Mader

 

The UN General Assembly was cleared from the Great Hall of the United Nations building in New York last night after one of the attending dignitaries, President Hugo Chavez of Venezuela, complained of the smell of sulfur in the room.  U.S. anti-terrorism officials immediately took action to evacuate the building, for fear the smell might indicate the presence of a bomb.

 

"The smell of sulfur could mean any of several explosive chemicals that can be used in the making of a bomb," Homeland Security spokesman Kenneth Belzebub said after the evacuation.  "We had to ensure the safety of the dignitaries in attendance."

 

Hugo Chavez was not long into his speech when he knit his brow and told those listening that there was a distinct smell of sulfur around the podium he was standing at.

 

Chavez continued his speech while commandos from Homeland Security's new elite terror fighting team scaled the outside of the building in preparation for a surprise break in and rescue operation.

 

At one point Chavez held up a book by American writer Noam Chomsky.

 

"We believe he was trying to signal to us that a terrorist attack might be in progress," Belzebub said of the gesture.  "Noam Chomsky is a professor often known to write about terrorism.  We could see we had to act at once." 

 

What the book had to do with the Venezuelan president's remarks however was unclear to most Americans because Fox News, under new Special Security Directive 411, refused to translate the speech from Spanish.

 

Security Directive 411 protects Americans from foreigners whose remarks may, unknown to themselves, be passing on coded messages to terrorist organizations.

 

Chavez and various other dignitaries were immediately rushed from the building and put on special high security flights back to their countries of origin.

 

"Normally visiting heads of state will return to their countries using their own national airlines," State Department spokeswoman Donna Imperium said after the extraordinarily quick departures became known.  "But this was a special circumstance.  We had to ensure their security."

 

Referring to the incident, U.S. President George W. Bush later said: "We must never forget the lessons of September 11, 2001.  And those lessons are that buildings in New York might suddenly be destroyed in violent explosions.  It happened to the twin towers, it could happen the UN building too."

 

 

 

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